As it often is I come to reflect my life choices on sundays. I recognize where I am, and I remember where I want to be, and where I want to go. As I have struggled these previous years, and as I have let this addiction consume my life I have changed. In some ways I have become a stronger more faithfull and self reflective person. In other ways I have degraded in my attitudes toward my fellow men and myself.

I find it difficult to quantity my addiction. I recognize that I am powerless to overcome it by myself. I recognize that for me personally it is a litter all minute by minute struggle. Some days as in a few a year, I don't feel the struggle. Those tend to be after I had given up for a few weeks. I had gotten too the point where Satan was convinced he had me in his grasp so firmly that he lessened a little simply because I had been 'obtained'. I would then remember what I want out of life and I choose again. To do good, or at least at a minimum  a desire to stop spending my time hating myself.

My struggle is daily therefore I need daily strength. I need the power from our heavenly father each and every moment of every single day. How do I obtain this strength? That's the question. How do I obtain the desire to do the things neccessary to overcome this addiction? I know things that help daily scripture study. Constant prayer, keeping a him in my heart, memorizing scriptures, indexing names.

Why then, do I refuse to do these things? It's because I grow lazy, complacent, I forget how much I desire to change, Satan throws everything he has arrived me to try to win my soul, and I cave. I forget to stick to my schedule, I allow other things to control my life. Endless hours of video games watching netflix till the early morning and going to my job as driver with less than 4 hours of sleep.

I simply